Ciúnas - Unclassified

Paddy O’Shaughnessy files

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Origin
Present day – Quiet little town (More than 12 pubs) in Ireland.

It’s Saturday. Market day. Yet the streets are quiet.
On the main street of the town, there is a row of houses and shops
either side. Some of the shops are closed and have been for a long
time due to the recession that Ireland experienced.
At the end of that row, on the main Dublin road side, there is a
house with a garden on the side. In that house, there is a big
marquee in the garden. There are 5 tables in the garden each
covered in food and drink.
On one of the tables in the corner, there sits a lone figure with his
head to the table. He is close to tears. He is Paddy O’ Shaughnessy.
It’s his birthday and no one has turned up.
A tall man enters the garden from the house. There is tiredness in
his eyes that give the impression he is having difficulty sleeping.
“All right, time to go cleanup.”
“NO! You can’t pack up Dad, they still might come!” Paddy
replied in a wishful tone whilst also shouting.
“It’s been 4 hours, there is LATE and fashionably LATE but this is
ridiculous, even Kanye can’t save this party. You aren’t that cool.
They just aren’t coming” replied his father taking a harsher and
sterner tone.
“I hate you and I hate everyone, I want Mammy back” shouted
Paddy as he ran into the house, up the stairs, into his room and slammed the door.
“I guess you better leave too,” said Paddy’s father to the 10 circus
clowns that were waiting in the marquee with balloons. Their faces
were sad. Mainly because it was painted on.
Up in his room, Paddy stared out the window at the clowns, One by
one they climbed into the ridiculously small car and they drove
down the road. Tooting the horn as they wonkily drove. It made
Paddy reflect on life.
Other than the clowns and his father, No one had turned up to his
eighth birthday again. He had an event set up on Facebook for the
last week. 200 said they were interested, there was even
international interest. People from abroad places like Laos,
Somalia, and New York said they were interested. It’s as if they
weren’t his actual friends. He definitely won’t be helping them
access that large sum of money they had inherited or won in the
Spanish Lottery anytime soon.
Paddy decided to lie out in his bed with his dog Eireann, a dog that
got his name as the Irish for Ireland. Paddy loved hanging out in his
room with Eireann. It stopped him thinking about that day. He
didn’t like to think about that day. Psychologists recommend
replacing a lost loved one with another loved one as soon as is
possible for a young person to help with the loss. Eireann was that
replacement. It doesn’t replace his mother, but at least Eireann
understood him. He was also there on his birthday. He was always
there for Paddy ever since his mammy died.
“Thanks Eireann, you are the best,” said Paddy with a trademark
scuffle of Eireann’s Irish Red Setter hair. Eireann was shaping up
to lick Paddy’s face but then all of a sudden he jumps off the bed and then starts to sniff around in a circle and then barks loudly.
“What is it Eireann? You have been fed.”
Eireann barks again and jumps to the wardrobe. He starts to claw at
the door of it.
Paddy thinking that Eireann had found his secret stash of hardcore
porn that was hidden beneath a pile of old toys at the bottom of the
wardrobe. He was merely holding them for a friend.
“Get away Eireann” shouted Paddy, fearing his “friends” stash was
about to be found, he threw a shoe in the direction of the dog,
which missed but thuds against the bedroom door (please note he
missed so no animal was hurt in the writing of this story).
Despite the near (not that near) miss of the shoe, Eireann continues
to scratch at the door. Paddy gets off his bed and goes to see what
the dog is at. He opens the wardrobe.
“What do we have here?” questioned Paddy as he opened the door
and Eireann pointed his body in a rigid stance to a hole. This hole
Paddy hadn’t seen before. He hadn’t been living here long but felt
as if he knew the place fairly well and definitely did not remember
this hole even yesterday when he had to hang up his shirts for the
week.
He peers into the black hole. It seems to go on forever. The circular
rim is just large enough for a person of Paddy’s size to get through.
Eireann, who was moving again, started to sniff around it and then
suddenly just jumped in the hole.
“Eireann…NO!” screamed Paddy.

But it was too late. He was gone. Paddy was starting to panic. He
didn’t want to be in the house anymore. His one and only decent
friend jumped into a hole. He had no choice but to jump in after
Eireann.
“I’m coming Eireann” as Paddy dived in head first down the hole,
which in hindsight may not have been the best approach.
There was a massive whoosh down a grey tube, Paddy started to
scream in fear but it’s almost as if the speed quenched the scream
and he couldn’t get it out. He could just see Eireann’s tail in front
of him disappear into the darkness and then Paddy dropped into
another hole and into a large room landing on a cushioned slate.
“That was awesome” smiled Paddy, already accepting that this is
probably the best birthday he has had. Including that time last year
when someone made a Facebook collage of photos of him and
posted it on his wall with some music. Although that person has
since being arrested for stalking, it is the thought that counts.
Paddy looked at his surroundings. He and Eireann found
themselves in a steel room with what looked like doors at one end.
The room had LED lighting on the edges of the room to light up the
area. The light bounced off the surfaces and made the place feel
futuristic but still warm.
“Wow my arse is sore from all the falling,” said Paddy as he
soothed his posterior with a gentle rub.
A door swooshed open and a voice came over the speakers that
were in the corner.
“Hello Paddy. We have been expecting you. A thousand welcomes.
My name is Jean Johnson, I’m the supercomputer of Ciúnas, The Irish Secret Service. We look after the needs of Ireland, to protect
Ireland’s most valuable commodity.”
“Tax?” quizzed Paddy.
“No, culture” replied Jean.
“But Ireland is a friendly nation, who would want to attack it,
especially for its culture?”
“There is a lot of fighting need to keep the peace. Come through
the door and we’ll show you around.”
Paddy walked through the doors and found himself in another room
with what looks like a monorail pod with the glass door open.
There is a kid’s toy driving wheel in the front of the pod.
“Jump in, there are some sweets there for you to eat,” said the voice
encouragingly.
Now Paddy’s mother had said not to get into cars with strangers, but this
was a monorail and it wasn’t a stranger but a voice so he thought it was
ok.
Without much time once he sat in, the monorail started moving at
breakneck speed in a direction that Paddy didn’t know. He instantly
grabbed the kid’s toy wheel. As expected, it did nothing.
Then almost as fast as it went dark it was light again and another room.
“Welcome to your destination. Have a great evening Paddy.”
“You too Jean, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Paddy got out. The doors opened inwards and a man of incredible height,
about 8 feet, dressed in a full army officer uniform, walked in with a
clipboard.
"Ahh welcome Paddy, hope you enjoyed the trip, the name’s Sergeant
Mike Collins, come with me.”
Paddy looked worried and couldn’t move. All this was happening so fast,
he didn’t have a clue what was going on.
Mike noticing this worry in Paddy’s face attempted to relax him.
“Ahh look now lad, nothing to worry about, we’ll have you back in no
time. Do you have any questions like?”
Paddy was shook and was in a daze looking around the room.
“Am….Am I dreaming?”
“Ha ha, no you’re not. This is all real. Welcome to the General Protection
Office of The Irish Secret Service or “Ciúnas” as it is secretly known”
said Michael as he waved his hand in the air.
And the second sliding doors opened to a small backroom of a house
where you could see a garden. There were 3 people on Personal
computers hooked up to a large 60 foot TV that took over the wall.
“Wow,” said Paddy in shock. He had never seen a TV so big.
“Ha, that’s our intelligence side, Journalistic Operational Espionage or
JOE for short. They are reading social networks and internet
questionnaires to find the next threat. Great work they do. Come along
and follow me for the tour.”
Paddy nodded whilst still staring at the screen.
They walked up the stairs and into what looked like the main office.
“And this is the epicentre of Team Eire.”
“Team Eire?”
“Sit down, Paddy, I’m here to explain what this is all about”
The room was grey. Very cold. There were a few pictures on the walls.
There was an eerie silence.
“Suck Sweet?” offered Mike in an attempt to put Paddy at ease.
Paddy reluctantly took one. It was bacon and cabbage flavour. It was
disgusting. Paddy faked a cough and spat it into his hand and looked for a
place to get rid of it. He settled on underneath the seat.
“Tea? We have the best in the world here on tap”

“No thanks, I’m a coffee man” Paddy replied.
“We have that too” retorted Michael.
“No, I’m fine thanks.”
Michael got up out of his seat and walked around the office.
“Paddy we have been watching you.”
Paddy had a surprised look on his face
“No not in that way, you see you are a special person with a special skill
set that you don’t know about yet. And we want to utilise it in the
national interest.”
“The national interest?”
“Yes, for Ireland Paddy.”
“For Ireland?”
“Yes Ireland has been a sovereign nation of peace for 100 years now,
with many more years of historic significance and we would like to keep
it that way. Did you learn about the history of Ireland Paddy?”
“Yeah, did a bit in school fairly boring. All Tir na Nóg, Hurling with
wolves and the like.”
“Ha, hardly that now. It’s filled with stories and people that shaped the
country to what it is today…for better or worse.”
“And what does that have to do with me?”
“Well, you fit the bill. You see we have this database of people of Ireland
and it details all your strengths, weaknesses and usefulness. Have you
ever drunk a Flagon of cider in a field?”
“Yeah, great scenes.”
“Well we, the Irish Secret Service, have your details.”
“Wow, so that’s why they are in circulation.”
“It was hardly for the taste? I mean no one in the right mind would buy it
normally. We turn a blind eye to the drinking in fields to build up the
database. We’ve had a few stomach pumps and a lot of month long
groundings but other than that it has been and continues to be a great
success.”

“Wow, that’s true.”
“Well we now use that base for recruitment of the best of the best to keep
Irish interests in safe hands, and that’s where you come in?”
“Wait a minute…I am best of the best?”
“You might be. Come we must wait no longer, I have to bring you
through.”
They both marched out of the office into the hallway of the house. You
could see a front door at the bottom of the stairs.
“This looks like a normal house. Where are we?”
“We are home, The GPO do you ever listen.”
“No, I know that I was listening to everything you say. I mean, where are
we geographically?”
“Ahh we are in Ireland in a secret location, I can’t say much, as you never
know who could be listening, but it’s in a housing estate close to Phoenix
Park. Or is it?” he said winking.
“But it looks like a house?”
“That because it is. Sometimes the best hiding places are in plain sight.
Also, it was on the cheap from NAMA repossession.”
“And where is Eireann? My dog.”
“Don’t worry he is been looked after. He knows his way round.”
“What do you mean?”
“He is one of ours,” Michael said matter of factly.
“What, he is my dog?”
“I’m afraid we only loaned him to you in order to recruit. We needed to
have an up close and look”
“That dog has seen a lot of things that…” worried Paddy
“I know,” Michael sighed, “If you keep that up you could go blind.”
Paddy blushed at the thought of people watching him watch TV right up
close to the screen to replicate an IMAX theatre.
As they walked down the stairs through the hall into the living room,
Michael continues with the tour.
“And this is the armory and our other secret service.”
The room was the length of the house and you could see the garden from
the door. There was a cover over the window that still let in light. Beside
it was a desk with loads of gadgets and scientific stuff. At the back of the
room, there was a fairly decent looking woman with a gun in her hand.
The woman did not hear or see the new arrivals to the room as she was
shooting off vases in the background.
“Aisling” requested Michael normally to no response.
“AISLING” a bit louder again to no response.
“One last time,” he says to Paddy.
“AISLING AISLING” at the top of his voice
“What!” she said in an aggressive tone. She turns around.
Paddy’s jaw dropped. She was stunning. Aisling means dream in Gaelic
and this girl was personification of a (wet) dream. I mean she looked
good from behind, but she looked hotter from the front.
She had Coppertone coloured hair just hanging below her shoulders
(though in certain light you could pass it off as a light brown). She was
wearing a well fitted “Visit Malibu” t-shirt and hot pants, which Paddy
thought was strange as it was Ireland and raining outside. She had
emerald green eyes that she revealed when she removed her glasses in
one smooth action. Paddy was in love instantly.
“Paddy this is Aisling, our one, and currently only, field agent. She is the
best of the best. She could easily work with a bigger organisation, but
likes the commute here so stays with us.”
“Aisling, this is our potential new recruit, Paddy.”
She looked him up and down and made a confused look on her face
“As I said, we don’t need a new recruit. I’m not babysitting him.”
“You won’t need to baby sit me. I can look after myself. I’m not a baby”
Paddy squeaked out at a louder tone than usual. He wasn’t ready.

Aisling made a baby crying face with her gun still in her hand
“I’M NOT A BABY” raged Paddy. Whatever feelings he had for her
evaporated into anger.
“Now now you two, you may be working together so you need to get on
the right foot.”
“Sorry,” said Paddy.
“Now shake hands like good little secret agents.”
She reached out slowly and looked Paddy in the eye.
“If looks to kill, You would be a secret agent. Oh no, wait. You are”
chuckled Paddy. He had nailed that line to save some dignity for the
situation.
“I really hope you join us” she replied through gritted teeth squeezing
Paddy’s hand with a firm grip.
The tension was broken when a blond haired guy with glasses walked in a
lab coat. Definitely a nerd look to him.
“Hey! Hello! Hi! I’m Ríomhaire or ‘Rí’ for short. I work our
weapons/special weapons department. You must be Paddy
O’Shaughnessy. We have even been working on a few things for you.”
“How about showing him some of our weapons” encouraged Mike.
He went over to the clock on the mantelpiece, set the time to 2am and the
pictures on the wall pulled away to reveal an armory hidden within the
wall.
“We can’t afford any new stuff. So we have to pillage what we can off
other foreign boffins. Like this from the Israelis,” he said holding up what
looks like a Soda Stream™ that is used to mix carbonate and a drink to
create a carbonated drink.
“It’s a soda steam,” Paddy said matter of factly, “we used to have one at
home.”
“Not exactly. The principle is the same, however insteate of drinks, You
mix any two compounds and it changes it to a small explosive device.”
“How?”
“Through the atoms coagulating and science stuff. I won’t bore you with
as its basic stuff.”
“Can I have an example?”
“Sure. Give me two items.”
Paddy looked around. There wasn’t much that was his, so he gave Rí his
shoelace and the contents of his pocket which was a 2 cent coin.
Rí put it in the machine and pressed the button. It made a loud noise and a
ping
“There you go.”
“Ha. That’s just a lace wrapped round a coin,” laughed Paddy “not much
to that.”
“Au contraire.”
Rí threw it rather meekly against the wall and it exploded upon impact
making a large bang noise.
“Wow! How come it didn’t burst through the wall?” queried Paddy.
“This building is triple layered impenetrable concrete. It is the housing
layer of choice for the secret service.”
“Ahh. But what would I need to burst through a wall” said Paddy
thinking of the million ways of mischief he could do with it.
“More items. More spark, sugar stuff is good. Or even just mixing with
explosives.”
“Wow. That’s class”
“Indeed it is.”
“Moving on” interjected Mike.
“And this from the British. It’s a quite simple mobile phone? No?”
showcased Rí, holding aloft a basic phone.
“It’s a smart phone” answered Aisling.
“Yes but the difference with this is that it tracks everyone in the radius of
50 metres.”
“How?”
“Sonar/radar mix. Locates things above and below water. They call it
"DARAR”"
“Darar? Wow.”
“So it can look through walls too. Amazingly useful. It also has 16 GB
storage for all your tunes.”
“I want one of those for my beats” Paddy nods to Aisling, to which she
just rolls her eyes. Paddy has a collection of more than 100 now that’s
what I call music cds.
“And finally the piece de resistance from the Italians”
“What is it?”
“It’s a translator. Well it says “no I’m fine” in 136 languages”
“What’s that useful for?”
“People annoying you. That’s why a piece de resistance is. “
“Ahh.”
Suddenly the doorbell rang.
“Who is it?” asked Michael.
“It’s the neighbour” Aisling replied whilst peering out the window.
“Ahh feck. That local busybody, head of the neighbourhood watch. Quick
clear up clear up.”
Second ring of the doorbell.
“Shit the woman has no patience” moaned Michael.
Paddy didn’t know where to stand so just stood where he was as the
others hid.
“Right I’ll answer it” as Michael went to the door and opened it.
There was a woman with her arms folded and a glasses hanging on the
end of her nose.
“Well Michael, how are you? I heard a loud noise and decided to check it
out” she said quickly whilst trying to get a sneak peek round Mikel which
he blocked with his large frame
“Nothing really was working on the car and it backfired.”
“But the car is in the driveway.”
“It’s the remote control car.”
“The Kids absolutely love it.”
“But you don’t have kids.”
“Kids in the park. Can’t get enough of it.”
The neighbour looked confused.
“Ok so, just checking you are alright, can’t be too sure. Do you have the
kettle on?” she stated as she stepped in the door.
“No, it’s broken.” As he blocked her with his large frame.
“What about a stronger drink?”
“We’ll have to rain check until everything gets fixed. The kettle, the
house, hell!.”
“What?”
“The shell, the house is falling apart,” he says picking a piece of paint off
the wall.
“Next time I suppose” she concluded.
And turned on her heels and went home. She looked over her shoulder in
a querying gaze.
Mike closed the doors and breathed a sigh of relief.
“Who was that?”
“Ahh nobody, just was the local neighbourhood watch leader. Always
sticking her nose in where it’s not wanted. If it’s not the bins it’s the loud
noises from gunfire. Always complaining. She only wants to have a
nosey.”
“Think she likes you” bleated Aisling.
“No, she doesn’t. And besides, she is not my type.”
“My ‘loveometer’, Patent Pending, that I have attached to my wrist says
love in is the air” chimed in Rí.
“Why do you have a ‘loveometer’, patent pending?”

“So I can know when a woman is hitting on me?”
“Does that happen often?” asked Paddy in an interested tone.
“Still working on the calibrations” conceded Rí.
“I’m sure you are” as Paddy nodded in disbelief.
“You are married Mike… to the job” joked Aisling.
“Indeed, but the country is the only mistress I need” sighed Mike.
“Now she is gone we can start the exam?” requested Mike.
“Exam?” a confused Paddy said.
“Yes. As I Said we are looking for the best candidate. Follow me.”
“Eh, I’m not the best at exams.”
“This is a different one.”
They exited the building and into the garden. He pulled open a sliding
door and there were 4 people already in there.
“In you go,” and with a push from Mike, Paddy was in the shed and the
door closed and locked.
The room was fair spacious. Paddy got a better look at the 4 guys in the
room who were also his completion. One was a well ripped army soldier
guy who looked mean. The second, who was wearing a suit sat in the
corner, looked impeccable and unapproachable. And the third was a guy
in normal jeans and shirt and glasses. They were all looking directly at
Paddy
“Hey, I’m Paddy” in the hope of reaching out to them.
The army guy replied
“Don’t talk to losers.”
“I’m not a loser,” said Paddy in a shaky voice as his adrenalin started to
flow.
“You are coz I’m getting the job,” he said in his slightly American voice.
On closer inspection, he had a massive skull army tattoo on his massive
bicep. Paddy could take a hint not to mess with this guy.
“Oh right” whimpered Paddy.

“Don’t mind him, that’s Sly Fox. He’s not friendly mainly because he’s
all brawn to make up for inadequacies elsewhere. Hi, I’m Ivan Dev” said
the normal looking guy with the glasses and he outstretched his hand.
“Oh right. What are we doing here?” queried Paddy.
“Ha! We are here for the test. We are the ‘best of the best’”
“What do you do?”

“I’m a leading genius in the country, IQ is off the charts”, he continued
with also pointing towards the other people firstly at the well-dressed
man,
“Over there is Punsíos, he is a leading television personality as you
probably know,”
“Oh yeah, he presents that show… what is the name of it?”
“It’s really punny”
“Yeah, something like that… what is it?”
“It’s really punny”
“I know I know something that has a pun in it”
“No the name of the program is ‘It’s really punny’. It is the hit Saturday
night show”
“And that in the corner is Patrick Bomber, a specialist tactician from the
Army.”
“A great bunch of lads there. What is the test?”
“The test to get into the secret service.”
“No one told me anything, I’m all new to this, I just found a hole and
jumped in.”
“Ha yeah, those holes were put in just recently.”
“You know about them! How?”
“You know the water charges that were brought in?”
“Yeah.”

“Well, every household in Ireland had to get “special meters” installed.
The Government installed a few more things that the people don’t know
about.”
“Get out of town.”
“No, I’m here for the exam.”
Then a loud voice boomed into the room.
“Welcome to the test. Let us begin. Please choose your weapon.”
Out pops 5 weapons from the wall. A gun, a pen, some string, a hammer
and a knife.
Everyone rushed to the wall.
Paddy was slow and got the pen.
“Well, the pen is mightier than the sword” consoled Paddy.
“But not a gun,” said Sly cutting him down.
Sly got the gun, the Hammer went to Patrick Bomber, Dev got the wire
and Punsíos got the knife.
“We got our weapons now what?” question Patrick.
The public address system cracked on again.
“There is only one way out, only one person can get out.”
A silence came over the room as the group start to process the situation.
They are staring at each other.
Suddenly, Sly shoots Punsíos straight away.
“Why did you do that?” screamed Ivan.
“It said only one person gets out. I’m going to start killing all youz guyz
and I’ll win.”
“No that isn’t it. There must be a better way” Ivan responded.
Sly then grabs Patrick Bomber and has a gun against his head.
“I believe success is usually the culmination of controlling failure. I’ll kill
you all.”
He cocks the pistol at Patrick’s temple.

“Wait wait wait, your beef isn’t with us Sly, don’t do this” begged
Paddy. A little bit of urine seeped out into his pants.
“I got nothing left to lose. Why stop?”
And Sly killed Patrick Bomber in the head.
“Hang on lets think. We have a knife, gun, hammer, pen and string” said
Ivan in a calmed down tone.
“I only know one way. And I know is that I can kill you.”
“Surely that isn’t the test who can reach the gun first?”
“I don’t know but it works for me.”
Sly then grabs Paddy. Ivan is looking around the room.
“Hang on I have an idea… that air vent, it might be our way out. It’s big
enough for one.”
Sly releases Paddy and goes over and started kicking the vent.
“It’s too small, back to Plan A” as he points the gun back at Paddy.
“Hang on, there is a button on the other side of this door that can open it
up. I saw it on the way in. if we use the hammer to create a small enough
hole then we use the knife to open the pen and create a dart, we can put it
on the string and hit the button with the modified dart. If we miss we
have to haul it back in and try again.”
“Who has the best shot?” asked Paddy.
“Obviously me,” said Sly confidently.
“We need to open the bullet.”
“I’m not trusting any of you with the gun. I’m doing it.”
He hits the bullet with the knife and it flings off the table and into his
forehead killing him instantly.
“What just happened”? asked Paddy.
“Dumb luck. We are lucky he is dumb” Ivan said calmly as he set about
getting the gun.
Paddy gets on the ground and starts wailing.
“Please don’t kill me I’m not worthy. Please don’t kill me.”

“Ha I won’t kill you, you seem to be the only sane person in this room.
Let’s open the bullet.”
“But won’t the same thing happen to us as they did him, pointing at the
dead body with a bullet in his head.”
“Not if you know how to do it,” said Ivan with a wry smile.
They carefully open the bullet and attach the wire using the knife. Next
Paddy goes about breaking the wall ever so slightly.
“We’ll be here all night if we tried to get a hole for one to fit through.
Why not get both of us out.”
So they hammered at the vent for a while until they created a hole big
enough for the gun and a hand to sneak through.
“You’ll have to do it Paddy; you have the smaller girly hands.”
“But my accuracy is rubbish.”
“You’ll be fine.”
And Paddy put his hand though and shot the gun at the button shooting
out the bullet and the knife.
It was a direct hit much to Paddy’s surprise.
The door opened.
“It works” exclaimed Paddy.
Ivan walked out. Paddy’s hand was stuck. The door closed.
“So long, we’ll meet again,” said Ivan as he strolled away.
Paddy had to drag the knife back. Refill the gun with the wire and try
again blind.
After 6 tries he hit the button and got out of the building.
He went up to the house and tried to enter just like Ivan did.
He pushed the buzzer.
“Congratulations you all did well. We’ll let you know. Please exit around
and out the side gate.”
Paddy hated tests but he felt he didn’t really contribute to that test. He
knew Ivan was the winner.

He was on his way out when he heard someone calling, it was Aisling.
“Come back…we need to debrief.”
“Ok” as his mind wanders to her briefs and that he was “well in” here.
“Right back to the office”, she chuckled to herself. She knew what he was
thinking.
Upon entering the room Michael was there with Rí a bit of sadness came
across Paddy.
“Sit down.”
Paddy sat down with Aisling and Rí leaning against the wall on either
side of the room.
“We are trying to build up a crack command unit. We need the best of the
best. Our reports say you are it.”
“What about Ivan Dev?”
“Unfortunately he wasn’t…. a fit.”
“He was good” concurred Paddy.
“He was,” as Michaels face saddened “But there is you” as his face rose
again to look at Paddy to fake smile.
“We don’t need him boss” added Aisling.
Rí piped up, “We do I have calibrated the gear for him.”
“But he hasn’t even said ‘yes’ yet” replied Aisling.
“So what do you think are you in?” asked Paddy.
“I don’t know what about my schooling?”
“That’ll continue, whilst Ireland is on constant threat alert, there is only a
part need for immediate action.”
“Dam. I was hoping to get out of it.”
“Ha education is important, how else would you be able to read write and
talk to people. You need to make decisions for the interest of the country.
You need schooling. We all have it.”
“And what about languages, I only speak Irish a touch of French and
some English.”

“Ahh, no problem. Aisling will cover for you. She speaks fluently in 14
languages. Women are like that.”
“Why are you hiring me?”
“Dam equality officer. We are an equal opportunities employer. Also,
reports say you have the most potential with the littlest to lose.”
“And you are a human shield,” said Aisling quickly.
“What?” said Paddy with a queried look on his face.
“Nothing, she’s just joking. Ha ha. So how about it?”
“Yes. I’m in.”
“Good we have a mission…”

Paddy O Shaughnessy will return in
Papa New Guinness

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